“Feel Comfortable” – Dr.Eric said.
“Thank you Doctor, I am Christina, firstly i would like to apologize for coming at this hour but i had no other option ”
“That’s Ok, tell me how can i help you”
” Some fears are rooted deep within us, Anti-depressant does help, but it make us lose our own identity”
To be Continued………
“For the past 3 years i have been surviving on “Anti-depressant“, every single day the matter worsen than before. The Scary dreams does not let me sleep, I am mostly confused, people understand things very easily but for me, it’s hard. They call me a failure. I can’t even accomplish smaller task on time, I don’t have friends whom i can trust, there is just blankness in my life. No Direction- No guide” -Christina said, the pain she was suffering through was visible in her voice.
(Christina felt comfortable in the office, the office was not that big, it was small. There was a table, and 3 chairs surrounded. Two of the chairs was on the other side of the table, where Christina sat, and One on which Dr.Eric sat )
“Relax, have some water” – He handed over the glass to her.
“Tell me when did it all started ? ”
“I don’t know, it’s been a long time”
“How many years ? ”
“Ok, Have a seat on that chair” – Dr.Eric pointed at the chair, which was kept on the right side of the room.
“OK, What are you going to do ?
” I need to know, When did it all started, so you need to relax and answer my questions, so that i can help you further ”
(Dr.Eric believed that though he was a psychiatrist, and should have given her more “Anti-depressant”, he preferred to get “Deep into people’s life” and give them solutions which they themselves can understand – His main Aim was to make people “Understand about themselves“)
“Relax ! Are you comfortable ? ”
“Close Your eyes ”
“Tell me about your Family”
(Christina felt uncomfortable, and her body started to shiver – And she was trying hard not to cry)
“My Father was an Alcoholic, and mother was a Drug addict, and my elder brother, Does not care about anything, mostly busy with his friends ”
“Tell me about Parents”
“My father used to come late at night, and would start yelling at my mother, for no reason. I never saw him coming home without drinking, it was a daily routine, and my mom was so mentally torched that she got addicted to drug. I was only 6 years old, they used to lock me up in an empty room, If i told them i needed something. Most of the time my father used to beat me with belt. I was living in hell, There was no one to help me. My parents never bothered to take us (me and my brother) on a trip, or to a near by restaurant. ”
“They used to lock you up in an empty room ?”
(Christina face showed sign of fear)
“Yes, an empty room, nothing to eat, i would keep crying but no one would listen, and at night they would come and give me something to eat.”
“Do you know why did your mother started taking drugs ? “
“Yes, she was tired of the same action of my Father daily. She gave up on life.. She could not bear his partner getting drunk daily, and treating her like a dustbin”
“What do you know about your father ?”
“He was not my biological father, I don’t know,”Who is my biological father“. My mother was in love with him, and they just shifted together.
“What about your brother ?”
“Better call him a “Devil“, he cares for no-one, He was same like my so-called father, he used to beat me up, if i questioned him anything. For him, his friends was the only thing that existed in the world”.
(As Christina said about her family, her face seems relax, the more details she was, the more relax she was)
“What about your dreams ? What do you see ? “
” I see people laughing at me, beating me, making fun, they don’t respect me, They see me as an object, and not as a human”
“Tell me something about your School life”
“When so much drama was going on in my home, my mind would be exhausted, and i was not able to focus, nor could i concentrate on my studies ”
“So you have problem with concentration, and focusing too”
“Yes, it was difficult for me, to pass my high-school, and get graduated. When i was 10, i started working at my neighbour house, i used to wash the dishes, clean the floor, and even do the laundry. I was too young to do that, but there was no other options. My neighbour paid my School fees for what i did for them.
And there was one day, when i was in 5th, there was an assignment to be submitted, When i submitted, the Teacher called my name and said,”Look at her assign, she don’t even know how to start, she tore it off into pieces, and threw it in the dustbin. I felt like the moment stopped, I was broken into pieces, my mind went blank and for a second i didn’t even know what happened, I started to cry. Everyone around was laughing at me, and after that day i was a “Fun object” to them. They used to tease me, insult me, and tell me to do odd things for them, Such as lick the floor [Christina was crying, When she said this]. And if i resisted, they would beat me up. There was no-one to help me.
(Dr.Eric took her hand, and said, Christina i know this memories are haunting you, but soon things will change)
“What about your brother, where is he know? “
“When i was 12, my father passed away, and my mother was in a shock, she would shout at night as if she saw my father standing in-front of her and beating her. After 2 years, she was diagnosed with cancer, and she passed away after one month of the diagnosis.
It was me and my “Devil” brother now, he would spend most of his time in bar with his girlfriend and friends, gambling. One night, when he came home, he was drunk, and his friends entered in the house “Forcefully“. They demanded something to eat and drink, but i refused to give. They were so drunk, and lost, [Christina felt very uncomfortable, the tears were uncontrollable, and she was trying to say something but it seemed like, someone had shut-her mouth, her body was sweating, and she was in pain] ..
(By seeing her uncomfortable, Dr.Eric Understood what happened next)
“Christina ? Are you ok ? Christina ? You don’t need to say what happened next ”
“I tried to save my self, but they were all over me, there was no escape. When my brother became conscious, he was shocked seeing his friend getting indulged in such an act. He tried to save me, but one of his friend hit him from behind, and he died on the moment. When they saw him, he was not moving anymore, and blood was flowing from his head, they ran away from our house.
That was the day when i lost everything, my father, mother and brother. I was all alone, i lost everything. My respect, dignity, honour, confident, self-stem.. Everything.. I turned into nothing. I kept sitting there, looking at my brother dead body.
I tried to approached the police, but they did not help me. That’s when i planned to leave that city and move here, i searched for a job. I had a degree in “Management studies“, so i applied in this company where i am working today”
“Have you ever being in relationship ? That’s a really important question. “
“Yes, when i joined this job, i met a hand-some boy, very caring. We dated 2-3 times, we were getting very close, and slept together few times. But when i asked him, Are you serious about me ? he did not reply, and from that day onwards, i don’t trust “Anyone“. I thought he was in love with he, but he lied, he was like the other boys, Who used to play with an innocent girl’s heart. That was the reason i took 3 days leave, and decided to end up my life”
“How are you feeling now ? after telling the things which you had buried deep inside ? Do you still feel that heaviness on your shoulders ? Pain in the neck and the backbone ? Does your chest still feel tighter ? or now it’s easy to breath ?”
“I feel little better, better than before when i entered the office ”
“Your wounds are deep, you have buried them inside for a long time, that’s why it exploded and you decided to suicide, Since how long you are taking “Anti-depressant” you said ?”
“How did you feel after taking it?”
“It made me feel better for a day, and the very next day, i suffered the same pain, numbness, and blackness”
“Are you willing to change Christina ? Are you ready to do the things i say ? Do you believe you can change ? Do you think you can have a better life ahead ? Do you think everything that happened with you have a meaning ? Then i am ready to help “
“Yes, i am willing to change, i am ready to do whatever you say, i believe that i can change, i have hope that i was born to do something great, but i never found out what it is, I believe that everything have a meaning, i used to ask Dr.Ruth about it.”
“If you are ready, then this is what you have to do”
“Life is not a curse it’s a blessing, every single incident have a meaning, everything is dependant, the cure is within us, the healing is within, stop seeking from outside world”
To be Continued……..
—– Abdul Gani Punjabi